i duh zawng chhin la

Sunday, September 5, 2010

what i think-within babies, beyond a womb

What I think
Within a Babies, beyond a womb


Love led by the mother to her child is inevitable. If you ever look into the eyes of the neonates you will have an abstract noun flying over your heads. I know you will have that munchies crunchy juicy feelings and grapes your nails as if it is among those little brittle glasses you’ve seen in an old building.

When I was just a child the thought of conception was out of question and that all married women becoming pregnant was what nature brought on. The thought of conception resulting from coitus was out of thought. Days passed into month and to years and to a decade, the girly childish thought was replaced with the known exist of nature but it was then exerted just because of being a simple innocent girl. As an innocent young lady, even in the first year of training, the sight of birth and delivery was deleterious and scares me so much that it is easy to feel and watch as a catastrophe of the life sumwhere in the middle of andaman and nicobar island.
But now somewhere somehow in the midwife year, delegation of being responsible for two lives is a must and it is hard to reveal who I really am. “Who am I” has always been a question that haunts my mind. Even though my mom told me that she loves me since when I was a kid, the pain and the hardship she bears to let me breathe in this world was beyond thought. Yes, sometimes it do occur and sometimes for a while I can feel the reality in me but it is so superficial and now I didn’t mean to keep it as a secret.
I was there amidst the day, dark cloud shoveled on my shoulder, the heart beat galloping as if it is a cold winter night. I knew it was going to be the delivery that I first conducted, I was exited, scared humble yet so proud and some spooky feeling pop up at the moment. The mother was arrogant but still I feel satisfied to be with her. Till today I can’t reveal her appearance but what can I recall is that she gave me those feelings that I never can have at once, not only one but all one at a time and to now I wonder “Is this what they call heaven sent”.
When the labor pain begins she collected all her strengths to let the baby to life. I saw her strengths, the obstacles, the happiness, the extrusion draining together within that few minutes. The pain she bears all because of what to come makes her pain beyond her reach. I knew from that instant that the life of the baby and the mother was on the palm of my hand through my God.
The sight of the mother catechizing herself about her baby is so awesome. In my life I can’t question more about the beauty of that part of life. There is a miracle in the sweat of the mother that drip down her face like a dew, a morning dew in a meadow, the hair shuffle to find strength to bear down like a pillow of blue bonnet, she doesn’t ponder about what life has been led outside the labor room. The face is ponderable to what she thought; there is a miracle, exclamation, a beautiful Sapphic like a song written on the tail of a white pony.
And now I think “if I haven’t been a good daughter, I am imposing a harsh punishment on my parents, a silent but harsh and loud. If silence speaks louder than words, for me punishment is a sequels to disobedience as the hurt deep inside will be deeper than what is revealed. An ode to parents should be made in one way or the other for the pain they went through to let us see the worth and beauty of life.
It is like a dementia, most of all is the cry of the baby. The baby signals the world that he had a reason to live through his cry. There is a song, an unwritten song with perfect notes to the mother. I see miracle, parable and knew the presence of an unwritten songs sung by the baby through his cry. For people like us crying shows a kind of heartache, ironically, the baby’s cry is remarkable, enduring, giving sudden arousal of love to people surrounding him. This is not just a reminiscence of what I’ve been, it is till now that I see, find and heard miracles in the cry of a baby. Unaware of his purpose to live, unaware of the forthcoming life, he is so contented with what he is and what he had. The beauty of an unsavage heart, the holiness and the frankness is beyond the beauty of nature.
The most hindrance phrases that used to haunts my feelings is “why is Abortion done”. If not medical, eugenic and a foresee of catastrophe, abortion done due to an unwanted pregnancy because of pre marital sex or due to sex determination and sex choice of parents, though out of law I’ve observed it often. Every time I saw patients in the act of M.T.P., even if done under the liberalization of M.T.P. act, there is something in me i.e. an unexplainable feelings haunted my mind and had me reaped a feelings of guilty the whole day even as I start and continue my work. Female infanticide practiced among some unaccustomed tribes is a hearth robbing act for me.
In my walks of life I’ve seen a happy pregnant mother plus an unhappy pregnant mother. Blessed by the child in her womb, the happy mothers on the optimizations are blessed with a happiness that even money can’t buy, the richness and their secret to having a million dollars heart has never ran out. Whatever the circumstances may be, an unhappy pregnancy as far as I’ve seen always leads to some psychological problems to the mother beyond is the problem that will faced by the child.
The baby is a spatula of life, life that is bespangled. The baby does not make a choice to be paragons of virtue but virtue choose him to be his paragon. The soft cuddling arms, the little toes that swept its steak, the hair that will show its true color, the lanugos that will fall later, the eyes that grasp the love of whoever staring at him. The arms that reached out and accept whoever wants to hold him, the buttocks that will let him sit, the little legs that will let him fall but rise again are all a sign that makes me wanted to cuddle the baby more and never let me had enough of it.
To me the weak arms that couldn’t even handle the weight of a pin shows the weakness in life but what?? The arms will grow stronger showing that weakness in life will makes our own life stronger in one way or the other.
The lanugos falls off later as the baby grows showing that the sadness and hatred due to an unwanted pregnancy or whatever the cause may be will grew to love, a meadow of love to the surrounds.
The tiny legs and toes which even cannot balance the body on its own will grew to strong legs which will let him fall and stand and help him to walk to learn the worth of life, the legs will make him fall, ironically the same legs will help him to rise again as the phrases “Roses will bloom again”. All we can do is wait and see.
Diversity of language is seen in the whole world not only in India. Communication barrier is an outstanding problem faced in different part of the world. But what??? The cry of the baby is filled with miracles. It speaks in cry whatever is on the mind. The sadness, the intrusion, happiness, fears, hunger are expressed through the cry. A sonnet, a Sapphic for the surrounds and it is an unwritten song sang by the baby. The more greater thing is the cry is not only a vituperation of only a dudgeon and a sight of a black mirrors but it is a vituperation that each one of us are made for each others like what we see, a mother’s attention is automatically aroused by the peeking cry of her baby and the baby in turn silently renew the love within the mother in a special and peculiar way. The voice is a tinsel of love and is ornated with the sacred of life.
In this ever changing world, will the baby be a reminiscent of what had been to a bygone beyond the valley of consciousness. Will the child be a rendezvous for a forgiven sin but an untold forgiveness? who knows? In this deeming and rough world there are some stories of an unwanted birth and unwanted pregnancies which brought love later renewing and revealing the truth and secret of life and its consistency for the parents and community. They on the other side created many among the greatest stories that are revealing the truth of life.

A letter to three mom,

Dear happy mom,
“You are happy now all because of the one within you, you are fortunate enough to have the happiness as the small and tiny sprinkles of joy makes a happy life. Live and let live. You had the aggrandizement of life, smile and smile a lot as it will animate your life as you go through lifeworks. Know that you are fortunate enough to go through the greatest part of life experiences but know that the baby will be a pilgrim in this wedge life. Live as how you want your child to live, talk as how you want him to talk, run in life as how you want him to run in his afore life, give love to him and people around you as much as you want yourself to be loved, fight in life wars as how you will want your child to fight his way in life, walk in life path and work out the secret of life to show your child”

Dear mOm
“You cannot conceive right? Don’t worry about it and don’t ever give it to be a subject of stress in life. Don’t feel as if you are the unfortunate lad under the spell of a forsaken witch. As you cannot conceive be happy. You might ask why? It is simply because you are trespassing and skipping many obstacles and that special life made you jump across a dark bridge that many parents had to fight to climb through to be on the other side and save many risky landing in life as a first landing seldom leads to a happy landing. Give smile to people not only anyone but everyone around you and share your love with others. give away your life power and the secret of life. Henceforth, you will have the happiness that dwell in your womb forever. Know that the world needs you, your smile, your live, your power and everyone needs what is in you. They are asking for it so stand up go ahead and spread your fingers. even if you cannot walk to all the towns mall within ten minutes you still can clap your hands with Einstein and Joan of Arc.

Dear mom who wishes to do an abortion on own acceptance
I want you to think carefully about it. Don’t stare the world as if it is a bedlam and know that this is going to be an irrevocable act and the baby is the half you and will be snatched away before he had his fill of life.
You had tasted the sweetness of life, you had lived as if you drive your own world, you had tasted the love, the tragedy, the reverend of life and realize apart of the secret of life. You’ve learnt and realize the secret and sacred of life, cherished a simple act of life just a moment ago. Even the baby deserves this life experiences. The baby needs love like you, fight life wars like you and he also had a purpose to live like you.
Even if the fetus is fertilized from a chaotic chance, he had a reason to live and to led life and his purpose of living will drive him. The realization of power and realization of courage to go through is what you need. When you had those slacks of life, the power and courage will drive you into a world of vision and faith. Abhorrence of this act might look odd now but what will the future brings, nobody knows. So try digging for the power and ornate your motherly life with those slacks and spatula.
If courage and life power is far more and out of your reach, cupped your hands in prayer and asked yourself about it. “You have the reason to live, purpose to be pregnant and purpose to live. So does the baby".

With love and prayer

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