i duh zawng chhin la

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Extract from The Dieter's diary-Kiss of walk

“Joe please ask them for a bigger size” I was smiling but cried deep inside and this was always the next sentence I pronounce after seeing the dress that I love. I wanted to, but I just did not know other than the crash diet which I gave up many times.

The baby fat syndrome- I’ve heard many people talking on their knees about how they’ve become fat since their goo goo gaa gaa days.  Well, maybe not in my case but I believe that the continuous calorie in and in and in makes the chubby baby to a chubby woman

In the beginning- on the eve of February 26th a 3.5kg baby girl was born to a mediocre family and nobody thought that the girl will fight with her fats and win the war! On the third day of my birth as my mom told me I was infected with neonatal conjunctivitis and this makes the muscles and nerve fiber of my right eye weak which left me ‘a one sided narrow eyes’-  one of my trademark. Whenever I gave a serious thought to this incident I really can’t understand whether I am fortunate or not. This is because as  being the only abnormal person in the family by look I was carried, prized and wrap with love (should I call it), affection and most of all ‘pity’ which lead to getting gift even if my sibling didn’t have or even if I don’t deserve it. This leads to bulking of fried chips, sweets and every bit of things which can be swallowed along with water!

Can you imagine the pride of a child hearts that always had things to eat? In my little sleepy town as was prized with different kinds of eating things out of pity I was followed around like a pole of a merry go round but that was a curse for me, the first and worst kind of curse!

Beginning of the fatty curse: it was in the year 1993- 20 years back from now when the Mizoram doctor did not know what to do with my eyes since facilities and infrastructure were limited and not up to satisfaction that they referred us to AIIMS Delhi with a hope to let the doctor’s take up the narrowed eyes surgery. I landed there with my mom on the month of June and that was the beginning of the street ice cream raiding! Being a normal growing child with a little uniqueness my mom’s inability to say ‘no’ was a blessing – the golden pot of my childhood days but the well of curse for my chubby cheeks and dimple chin. With a normal weight of 23kg; within 3 months I was up to 36 which sometimes go up to 37. So much for an eight year old girl and I was proud to be like that. Each and every weighing machine which I came across would be blessed with a coin; ‘cling’ continued by ‘phoot’ and the machine open to 36 and 37. Within the three months stay in Delhi all the clothes, shoes and even my underpants had to be newly replaced because of the non-exaggerated increased size! Since that three month Delhi ice cream raiding I have never been in my slimy healthier shape again.

Father’s wisdom- as soon as the second helping of meal was asked my father used to say with a loud voice; stuffed mouth and eyes wide open in his traditional pronunciation “my stomach says enough, my mouth says more’. Well, with a guilty smile the second helping was taken without a word; stuffing the food as fast as I can- wisdom well learnt but not followed. Sorry daddy :)

First turning point: at the end of the Delhi stay I had a nicknamed ‘mortu’ which basically mean ‘fat’ and I never had a red face with that. When we reach Mizoram everyone was amazed with the blessed big waist girl and the chubby cheeks were what every people wanted to touch. I was kind of proud but sad because of all the people magnifying the ‘lady to be’ as a chubby girl- the so called ‘cute’ which basically mean ‘fatso’ which resulted in the ‘lay back in the arms of roses cheeks’ and was easily recognized by the fatty fat covering my body

First (to be called diet)- this occurs during the beginning of the 90’s where mom strictly size the lunch portion under the strict  supervision of my dad but it was of not much use since pocket money were used to buy sweets and the kitchen drawers were full of biscuit tins! Weight loss was like an insane person trying to immerse himself on a bed of rock!

Second diet-is this called a diet? Maybe I should have nick named it the boarding diet. Since living in an English medium hostel resulted to restricted intake of not only packet junk but also the whole breakfast and dinner that resulted in some amounts of weight loss. Every vacation the clothes would come loose and by the beginning of the session the loose clothes have to be refitted to a bigger size and mom was always the busier one since refitting and refitting have to be done over and over again. What I can recall till now is the jolly expression on Dad’s face when he was always amazed and astonished at the loss inch!

Third diet: a complete revolving of the hostel life during the 375 days for four years with the yo-yo weight struggle I decided to give myself a diet and some exercise to stay fit and lean after passing my matriculation. Being in an adolescent stage I realize the important of having a lean body now, much clever than the childhood days. :) and to top it all I had a crush! You know how he talks about me “that fatty curly chubby one right?”  and that made my first turning point

Amidst the afternoon I pondered about the lean side of me. I want to do it but I don’t know how. Since my elder sister is a nurse I ask her and the crash diet was the answer that she gave. What a stupid diet. Sorry sis I am such a bad girl after all.  And so as life goes on I did the crash dieting, yeah, I ate everything including the Chinese foods and everything. As not only the nutrients of food and the basic eating rules were completely unknown I just did the dieting with everything even with breaking the breakfast, lunch and a mountain dinners with a cheat. The workout was also done and I did loss a little, just when most people started seeing my effort I broke off the dieting and exercise because I can’t take it anymore. Imagine all the muscle pain and the weak body due to crash diet and over work out! I can’t make it long because the principles and basic of the toned, lean body was unknown. Anyway I did win some war but lost again and because of the little loss inch I felt like a rock star but I still look like a balloon

 ‘I give fat a bad name’: I was at my fat point again after entering the nursing. I had a friend from our batch who was obsessed about losing weight. She once told me that all the energy we needed a day can be taken from one bar of chocolate but I did not know about the nutrients. Well, I did see her biting a chocolate or more in the morning and I still can recall her crash diet making tummy ache as an excuse and together we once ate lasix - a diuretic at 10pm which makes us urinate the whole night! We sat on a bucket even at around 1am in the morning and gave a weak smile to each other! We did lose weight but only the water weight! Looking back those times I sure can smile the whole day. Should you say she’s guilty or stupid? No! Don’t. She just doesn’t know. We did wanted to be thin, lean and fit but we just doesn’t know the basic rule so I just started to give up the lean dream as I made an excuse like-I have a good boyfriend who cares? I’m always the topper among the whole state nursing student so why care? I do care but I didn’t. During those times I really can eat- the routine were mostly like

6am-wake up
6:30am-breakfast:mountain of white rice with alu/dhal/vegetables
7:30 duty: followed by doughnut a or coconut bread
10 am- tea, oily puri /fast-food (which I always take a second share. Mind you, i just cannot live with only one share)
12:30 light lunch (as the mizo does) tea with some bread/biscuit
5:30-dinner with a mountain of white rice and some special fries mostly potato and omelets
Till bed-some junk/chips etc during study.
 The between meals were mostly anything that I wanted to eat, pastries, nuts and a whole lotta junk which rob me of my pocket money with a little water
During our training period I was like a chubby damsel, a cute woman all because of the big tummy, dimple chubby cheeks and they often named me an ice cream doll which the 90’s kid would be familiar with. I enter the nursing profession with a weight of 63 kg, (for 20 years that’s too heavy) and ended with 72 kg. Yeah, we did work hard but the late night junk hunting does replace the entire calorie burnt and I do have a peripheral neuritis, the obese disease!

As a 72 kg woman with a height of 5.2” I was way too fat but still I did increased to 76 when I move to Itanagar to really practice my profession. Way too plump! I still did the late night junk halluva without exercise which was a way out of thought. As my profession had it, I sit and surf the whole day, sitting, eating and sleeping was just my work beyond my easy routine so the kurkure, thick fat tea, chips, Chow, rice of all kind sure make its fatty way.

Baby I’m amazed: after a year service I went home to have my summer holiday and guess what everyone was amazed at my size, not of the popular zero size but of me being almost 90 kg with a waist of 43 inch. Can you imagine the size of a 24 year old lady with 43inch waist! That was me and I’ve had it. All the clothes not only fit even the shoes were too tight to wear. The button of my short pant pokes out because of the waist force. Every time I look at myself infront of the mirror I pinch my full throttle cheek and would still beautiful but deep down I know I’m not! As my size had to be search over and over again in every shop I gave up so I started wearing a loose second hand clothes with stretchable tight pants which the shopkeeper always manage to say “it’s a free size” in a pure Indian English!

Final tri-turning point: During my fattest point I was diagnosed with PCOD-an obese disease and the doctor ask me to lose weight. I just smile and say “okay” but I did not really have a hope on it. My love for book was at its peak  so on my way home I came across a book shop and pick “woman and the weight loss Tamasha” by rujuta diwekar without a real hope of the lean dream to be true. On the same year on my birthday my students keep on guessing my age and one of them said that if I’m not 35 years I’ll atleast be 32. That cannot be the reality. I was at my utmost youthful age; just 24 years and I look like a 32 woman!. Even though I just smile I cried deep inside and I made up my mind but that’s just a little.

My second turning point was when my boyfriend dump me because of my fatso gene that I inherited-that’s what he called so! And more over the left side of my chest had a sudden sharp pin pain occasionally. Being a medical practitioner and medical staff I know something about a chest pain and I’m scared! I thought about those men in my community who died of a cardio vascular shock. All of them were extra fat and big and to look at them, everyone will be sure that they haven’t had a good exercise routine. I don’t want to die like them. Even just thinking myself lying on my death bed because the fatso cardio vascular shock I was at the top of my head, shaking and I prayed “dear Lord the only thing I ask is to be thin, lean and healthy”

My third turning point turns out to be an evening shopping with my mate joseph- all the cloth in the market did not fit. Not only they did not fit, even just by standing the button in my jeans would poke out because of the fatso force made by my abdomen and all the traditional cloth are small for me! That was way too much because being an unmarried working lady with a good profession every one wants a hot wardrobe but I completely can’t because of all the fatso cells that push in and out of my skin. So with all my thought I made up my mind to do something about it. But that just felt like a drop in a ball of cotton as I’ve done many dieting and failed completely!
Fourth and final diet- I was on my deepest woe, a single working lady with PCOD, irregular period, a super off mood, chest pain, and weak immunity so I gave my head a shot of adrenaline to try the precious rujuta’s principles. I wave a final goodbye to all the junk and started to change my diet and start to exercise with just a fifteen minute walk. The diets started with the same traditional diet adding apple and cucumber-fibre to make me full and apple pectin to reduce the absorption of oil in my intestine. Still then I ate a fine round! Just for an adventure during this time I added one slimming capsule in my daily routine which bears no result!

Wintry feeling- starting my move on September I didn’t even know whether I lose weight or not but fortunately or unfortunately I was down with common cold and flu which I dealt with seriously everytime the weather change and I did lose some inch which makes me want to go further to my slimming program. As the weather gets colder and colder, the body and mind gets colder and colder so I stopped my diet and exercise for three months. Restarting from March2012 I really had now a mind to set myself for my fit and lean side of me so I restarted my diet and exercise which comes almost like

5am-wake up then jogging or walk (according to the mood)
6:30- tea and one marrie biscuit
8:30- breakfast. Small portion of white rice, dhal, vegetables (mostly potato) bitter eggplant and apples
10:30- bowl of fruit
12:30 –small portion of white rice/dhal and vegetables
2:30- red tea with one marrie biscuit
5:30 – dinner same as breakfast

To look at the details I did jump up on those simple carbohydrates and I did not lose much weight. Of course I did but not noticeable but that was just like a drop in the ocean. But still then the field meeting which was held at that month somehow encourages me because of the words of others about my little thin look. So, after the field meeting was over (as was called) one of our members suggested on taking roti instead of white rice. Because of my laziness I did that but not longer than 2 month and the result started showing which makes me wanted to go on with the 2 hourly eating plans. Mind you, in our society white rice is our staple food. We dodn’t call food ‘a food’ unless a mountain of white rice is there.

I nearly give up when I landed on the second diet book that I bought “don’t lose your mind; lose your weight by the same author. So I started inculcating raw foods and homemade food still with lots of water, the 2 hourly eating and daily exercise routine and the result started showing. Kallie purie’s book further encourages me to go on and I try several diet including the coconut water guava diet and papaya diet. Well, love the taste!

Different diets were done not because rujuta recommend-she didn’t and for too sure I know that I keep that thing a secret till today. If I have to explain the reason why I did all the fad/soup blah blah diet is because I just need some adventure in this sleepy old little town but the best of them all is the principles of eating according to Rujuta which I followed happily till now. It’s been almost two years since I started her principles I still love this old monk! Dieting I know it will last a lifetime but I love the fact that I am in my true dream; a dream which I dream in a dream has come true-yeah my slimy days which I’ll never wake up to the fatter me again.

On way to health:  Now as I’m under 60 with a waist of 20+ recalling those super  dieting days, I love the journey but the fat mind will always be there and you won’t understand this feeling unless and until you are fat. I’m still on my rujuta’s common sense perfect diet and workout which   increased weekly and sometimes if I’m in the mood daily for a week. I’ll still do it till the end of my life as I don’t wanna be the chubby dimple cheeks damsel forever and ever and ever ever never ever again.

Before I was too lazy to exercise but now I feel guilty not to exercise. From packetted foods I shifted to dear old woman’s farm vegetables, from juice to water and from sitting the whole day to searching for work which gave me a good prestige as the hard working lady. I love the fact that I got a good prestige but most of all the calories burnt! I believe from breaking breakfast to breaking dinner, two hourly eating and the ocean of water in the body the metabolism shot like anything and the lava of my metabolic volcanoes can be felt!

The diet mostly followed the two hourly eating plans with a common sense to let the calorie rich food flow happily inside my body in the morning which will be elaborated further sooner and the daily ritual of exercise which I keep changing- jumping, jogging, running or whatever the weather may suit it. The felt keeps on melting off like anything. The size of my clothes from XXL went to an M and sometimes to a S and not only my clothes my shoes! From UK 7 and 6 I’m now UK 6 and 5. Strange are the ways and winter/rain do nor rule over me anymore.

Today I started loving you: what a fool I was to think that I’ll never be able to get lean. I started loving my daily ritual which includes the eating healthy and exercising healthy ritual and the weekly ritual of measuring my weight (which saint Rujuta never recommend). To “please elaborate it” if you weight 86 kilos earlier you would mind even a rise in a gram and this, only the fat knew it. I started my exercise with a pinch of ‘lean hope’ walking for 15 minutes with a soft country song on my phone. As the body gets fitter and fitter to the new me, the song gets faster and faster and the route gets longer and longer to which now I complete my 5km round within 50 minutes and a jump of 2000 within the same minute. As encourage by Kallie Purrie the modified surya Namskar is done and is modified because of the different religious background. I still have my last little fat to melt but let it melt or not I do love it.

The financial crisis: being an unmarried professional woman, every head was on its “viva forever” meant to be way. That is making and saving money for future use. Even though being a working woman, the salary was not that high so eating healthy sure gave a good pinch on my financial condition and I never talk about this to my dad who was totally keen on saving money for the rainy day or whatsoever. My cline of diet cannot make my wardrobe thicker but it do sure make it hotter and hotter since I started even wearing tees which I never wanted to wear not only because of the size crisis but also because of the big tummy and plump chicken breast of mine. My bank account does take its toll but I do sure love the happy leaner and thinner side of me which I thought will be only on dreams. My diet still raid on my small salary which is only the beginning of a five figures but I love the thinner side of me that I’d better not get rich and not have a fat bank account than being big on the waist. Ssshhhh...

For too sure I knew that’ll never be able to get to nutritionist, professional help and trainer thing  in this little sleepy town not only because of the unavailability but also because of my little precious tight monthly income and allowance

Baby I’m really amazed: I had a friend whom I met on my way back to Mizoram during my fattest point and met that same man after one and half years and he was really amazed I can tell! With a great tale to tell, my tail of tale was often told to him.

I walk on the lower slope towards my house and saw my father facing my side and looking down on his work again repeating that same round maybe twice or thrice and at last when I drew closer to him he was aghast at what he saw. His now thin daughter with a flat tummy whom he thought will be that old fat chicks for the rest of her life. Well that’s how he said do.

Even on the day of my brother’s wedding the bride was not the talk of the community, it’s the new me that makes everyone astonished! Instead of the boring “hi! How are you?” it’s “wow, are you sick or something, so thin. You look beautiful” and I love their questioning amazing face and even after a month or so I still can smile at their astonishing face.

The old mc Donald fat chick: being fat no one really had the courage and the ability to guess what’s on our mind. Now I can say that I could tell some of the thought that goes around in the corner of a fat mind because I was there on that journey once but I never wanted to go back. People used to talk about me as the happy and smiling Rose; I was one at a time but deep down I was hurt and I’m in pain and they don’t really know because of the fatty show. All the mc Donald fat chicks live in the same way, dream the same way, wishes the same way and we are one in a million and nobody knows it but us.

I wanted to be thin not just because all the great woman are but  because I know deep in my heart no man wants to marry a supa dupa size woman and she’ll never be the talk of the town. If she’s the one atleast it will be the fatso cells that she dealt with and to top it all; the healthy, bright and glowing woman that I deserve to be.

‘Love me the way I am’ is just an excuse to make up for the depressed mind due to the fatterversion. Every fat person used to say (that include me) “my family and friends love me just the way I am, so why care?” yeah! That’s it but we do care. We care so much that we didn’t.

Baby it’s more than enough:  when I started losing my inch everyone praise me. I keep on loosing and they keep on saying that it’s enough and I look beautiful but I know deep in my heart that it’s not enough so I made my iron mind to move on. Even though I did get loose once or twice deep in my heart I am still not satisfied with the new me and that made move on. When I was 70kg they told me that it’s enough, quietly without a word I moved to 68 and they still told me that I’m too thin but guess what my size was still too big. I sleep peacefully and pinch myself, I move on and then I hit 63 and almost everyone that I came by told me to stop it. Looking back at the pictures taken during those days well there’s a shift in the fat too well. I had my final fatless goal and still on my way. I don’t care if someone quietly whispers in my ear to say “baby it’s more than enough”

Hail to saint Rujuta: dear Rujuta thank you for making dieting and losing weight (even though you never recommend it) such a great, interesting, yummy and memorable journey. Thank you for publishing your book in English because if it’s Hindi I wouldn’t only not read it; I wouldn’t even gaze at it. Well, don’t feel strange about the country’s mother’s language. Do I have to look like Elvis then it’s me and my state isolated geographical features and descendants who survive to live in India even though we are Mongolians. See now, and thank you Rujuta for my diet Bible and the wisdom telling me that I don’t have to live like Kareena to be me and me to be like the Hollywood ladies, thank you for reminding me to be me and me only. Thank you Rujuta, if you don’t have the common sense to make your book affordable I wouldn’t be in a living dream of my thin, lean and fit life with the over tight salary.

Oh!! You rock saint Rujuta

Ps: Oh! What a fatty tale to tell


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  5. Congo...love reading it...you really did impress me.I will follow your footsteps,but unlike you,I cannot recall each and every details of my childhood(another point why I admire you so much)
    Stay fit...stay Healthy...and may God continue to Bless You.I'am proud of you sis...
    PS: I really have to do the same... :)

    1. and i'll be with you all through the way sis...azza azza fighting :)

  6. muahaha.. in lasix effect lai hmel khawvelah hian ka va han hmu chak ber kher emmm!!! anyway.. congress!

    1. hahahhaa...zan dar 1 velah bucket a bun ri tliar2 pahin kan in melh ngawih2 ringawt..hahahah

    Proud to call u my sis..i wil follw ur step..exam jwh ah k ron cuk don a,,il stay der for about 3months cuan lets see da result...lol..im impressed..totally.. Love u..muah.

    1. hahaha..proud of you too. Wihtout an iron mind don't come i won't be able to help you. But if you have that iron mind i'll help you all through the way. Promise. Love you too sis

  8. You have achieved your aim....well almost... since your aim was to be as thin as a pencil...haha... congrats dear! You'd better send me Rujuta's book, since you don't seem to need it any more ;P. Well, I thought you were going to be my guest when you come back from your brothers wedding...Oh... all is well that ends well...kudos!

  9. hahaha..well, i don't have an excuse about the guest thing. Being on the prime of your life you just can't live as you said(well,sometimes) and sorry for that :) achieved my final goal but still on the real final goal. Haha.am I too over it :D whisper your birthday to me and i may give you a good gift. Anyway thanks for visiting my blog

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  12. I simply like the way you worked out...rose.. its great impressive article. Good luck for you only

    1. hmm..thank you thianpa. manydont know it's an emotional journey. even you. only my fellow dieter can understand that :)

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    1. whom do you call educated. i said "the one who knows how touse common sense :P"

  16. Wow your journey was fantastic Rose. You bared your heart and told a beautiful story.

    You talked a lot about your failed attempts at dieting, but not about how you really stuck to the whole eating and living healthy routine. I used to be chubby too and lost about 12 kgs. Most frustrating was exercising routinely. Mustering determination to jog/run once in a while is easy but doing it continuously, making it a habit is what counts. I would like to know how you motivated yourself to exercise daily.

    1. aye!! thank you thank you, i did fail many times- failing many times is okhay if we rise up at the end right? :) still making the work out routine to be habit. i know sometimes it hurts but i don wanna be the fatso lady again-that push me every morning :) keep going- i'm with you virtually (atleast)

  17. Same person as above. I was going through your blog, Wish you would post more in English. :((

    1. i should have done it earlier :) thanks for the words though

  18. Wow! landed up by chance..you are an inspiration


  19. Mast.. Very Nice.. Congrats :) Keep up the good spirit and hope..

  20. Hey... It's a beautiful tale.. I even follow Rujuta, and she's a magician. I eat every 2 hours(can't follow a diet without food, that's my weakness being a FOOD BLOGGER ;))(Eat every god damn thing from fruits to chicken), Exercise 4 times a week (which includes running and dancing).. and to my lovely surprise I have turned to 50 (kgs) from 62 (kgs) ...As I do not have a good height (5 feet) being fat always was troublesome area and will always be.. Today I love myself, because people around me call me, watsapp me just to ask... "Hey how did you do that?" ...... Girl.. just don not stop yourself from doing what you started, and your love for yourself will keep on increasing.... Cheers...

    1. my life has been circled by food and till today i am that girl :0 lol and thank you for encouraging and for visiting my blog :) lets keep going on :)

  21. Hi I am also suffering from pcod problem
    After losing weight cycle became normal ?

    1. yea! everything is super normal and the doctor finds it amazaing.. fatty liver issue been gone :)

  22. You are an amzing lady with immense will power! Thanks for such sharing realistic journey!

    1. thank you for visiting my blog :) one saw an inspiration when life calls for :)

  23. *sigh* u have no idea of how precious this article is fr me.i hv pcod n I too think that I wont b able to lose weight.but seeing that another person in the same situation actually managd to defeat that stupid pcod is inspiring!

    1. yes, i do somehow have that because i want this loss 35 kg to be something for someone. do goon i'll be with u spiritually

    2. Thank you so much.wat kind of workout did u do?

    3. actuallya t first i was simply walking- just simply slow walk then increasing it further and further..i do workout which ever suit the weather and my mood- skipping, jogging, running, weight trainning etc- since gym is not available here sometimes i have to push myself hard though..consistent is the key

    4. Ohk.great:-)
      And what did u eat every 2 hrs?I mean apart from d main meals?

    5. Btw wen did u get rid of that pcod?I mean how much had u lost?

  24. Very nicely written..and a story I can totally relate to as I am of same age as you are, I was 71 kh with 5'2" height, I am now 63. and My 6 years BF dumped & cheated on me because I am "Fatty" and he found someone 'sexy' ( from his POV he's right, because, he gave me 6 years to change and he's loyal) so, after the heartbreak my Journey is now on "pause". I was changing for him, but now I am determined to change "just for me".

    I differ from you at one point though, yes, we always should have the attitude " ‘Love me the way I am’ Love shouldn't be change with the change in scale. If that so, our family would leave us.

    Yes, it's important to be fit. But, not to get marry or hold the BF.
    We should be fit just for ourselves..

    1. mu god!! someone do always have the same story :). yeah, even me i was changing for someone but later i learn that i have to changed for myself only. we dont owe thinness and beauty to anyone, we owe it to ourselves only. lets keep going on :)

  25. hi rose
    very encouraging to read your blog.. just had somethings to ask . how did you stop your urge of eating rice and did you continue eating chappati?

    1. yea, now i shifted to ricwe and chappati. i love them both. i'm now in my maintainace phase.. the motivation just stop me from eating rice during that time. for a foodaholic like me it is better not to step in the kitchen as long as you can :)